I Married a Werewolf: Expectations of Hope
by Kailin
Summary: It started with food poisoning. Remus and Kailin make a startling discovery. One-shot as their story continues.


**__**

Expectations of Hope

Kailin:

In retrospect, I should have known. At the time, however, I was too busy throwing up to consider the impact pork-fried rice might have on my life.

It was food poisoning. Remus and I both had the sweet-and-sour chicken, but he'd skipped the side of rice and I hadn't. As a result, I spent a miserable weekend with my head in the toilet bowl. Come Monday morning, there was nothing to be done but visit an Emergency Clinic for rehydration in the form of IV fluids. I returned home to sleep for the rest of the day, and thought no more about it.

That is, I thought no more about it for another six weeks.

The doctor who examined me this time was all smiles. "There's no doubt about it, Mrs. Lupin," he announced. "You're pregnant."

I stared at him, my heart pounding. "But---but---I've been on the Pill---"

He glanced down at my chart as if to confirm that I was telling the truth. "Is there any possibility that you missed taking it for a few days?"

"No, of course not. I've always been very conscientious about it…" My voice trailed off and my eyes widened. "Oh…."

"Oh?" The doctor grinned.

"I was ill. Six weeks ago. Food poisoning, I couldn't keep anything down."

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, there you are, then. Now according to what you told me, your last menstrual period was September first, which means that your due date falls sometime next June. I'll recommend an OB for you, and he can narrow down the date, of course."

The doctor rambled on about prenatal vitamins and did I smoke and did I drink and how much caffeine did I take in daily, but I barely heard him.

I was pregnant. Remus and I were going to have a baby. I wanted to shout. I wanted to cheer.

I wanted to cry.

**__**

Remus:

I put down my quill and stared at the paper in front of me. At one time, writing a letter of this sort would have been a pointless exercise for me, one I could have dashed off in five minutes or less. But this… this was excruciating. I could sympathize now with Arthur Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt and the other married members of the Order.

_Dear Kailin:_

_If you're reading this, it means that I'm dead and gone, probably aye-kayed by a Death Eater. I only hope it happens during the final battle and not a minor skirmish; I despise the thought of leaving you alone with this horrific war still unresolved._

_You may say now that we should have stayed in the States with your grandfather, that I'd still be alive. I doubt that, however, as I had no success whatsoever in getting you to remain behind._

_In the end, we each did what we had to do. Please know that I have been happier these past months than at any point. You gave me a life, a taste of love and happiness and normalcy, all precious gifts that I'd never expected to call my own._

_Please be happy, dearest Kailin. Move on with life: stay in Britain if you wish, or return to America, but give thanks for our time together and then move on. I have died a happy man._

Your loving husband,

Remus John Lupin

Well, at least it was finished. I climbed to my feet and stretched. Kailin would be home soon, and I needed to clean up before I started supper.

**__**

Kailin:

My mind was a jumble as I walked down Bannister Row toward our flat. Should I tell Remus immediately, or wait until after supper? Break the news gently or just blurt it out? Six months ago, I'd been determined to start a family at once; we'd shelved those plans after Remus became a _persona non grata _in the wizarding world at the start of summer. Surely he wouldn't think I deliberately stopped taking the Pill, would he?

We'd need to start thinking seriously about buying a house, too. There was only one spare room in the flat, and Remus used it every month for his transformation. Even if the baby slept elsewhere that one night, the idea of a werewolf prowling around the nursery was unthinkable. I was certain Remus would agree with me on that point.

I let myself in the front door of our flat, deep in thought.

A home of our own…

For Remus, such a thing was one more step in achieving what everybody else took for granted: an ordinary life. For him, the idea of a werewolf buying a home was right up there with holding a steady job some day. On occasion we'd read through the Home Sales section of both the Muggle newspapers and the Daily Prophet, but it had all been speculation so far. The remainder of my bequest from Gran Marvy still sat in the bank accumulating interest and waiting for the day we made a real down payment.

"Remus?" I tossed my purse down on the sofa and wandered into the kitchen. My husband's voice answered from behind the closed door of the bathroom.

"Hello! Be out in a second."

I took a deep breath and sat down at the kitchen table. Better to tell him right away, I decided. No pussyfooting around. Break the news and see where we stood. I knew one thing for certain: we would be revisiting the old argument about me sitting out the war in the States.

What was this? Remus had been writing something, and it had my name at the top. Curiously, I pulled the parchment towards me and began to read.

I gasped aloud and jumped to my feet, one hand clutching the parchment and the other, grasping the table edge for support. Tears sprang to my eyes as I finished the brief letter. _A good-bye note. A posthumous good-bye note._

My breath came in hitches as sudden panic seized me. Then there were footsteps, and Remus came into the room.

"Sorry I didn't have supper going yet. I---" He broke off, staring at me. "Kailin? What's wrong?"

I didn't have to answer. Remus spotted the parchment in my hand and blanched. "Oh, no. You weren't supposed to see that. Hopefully not ever, but certainly not now!"

I tried to speak, but nothing came out but a mangled croak of sorts.

"Kailin…" He hurried forward, put an arm around me and pushed me down into the kitchen chair. "This was Dumbledore's idea. He asked everyone in the Order to write letters to their next of kin. Thought it would be for the best, I suppose, in case things don't work out. It's not that I think I'm marked for death or something."

Remus gave me his best encouraging smile, but still I could do nothing more than look like a deer in the headlights. He pulled up another chair and sat across from me, taking my hands in his. "I'm truly, truly sorry, Kailin. I hadn't intended to leave it out where you'd find it, you just came home a few minutes earlier than I expected."

I nodded mutely.

He frowned. "Are you all right?"

"No," I said desperately. "I'm not all right. I'm pregnant."

If I'd been in the mood for revenge at that moment, I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. Remus' jaw dropped abruptly, then floundered up and down for several seconds; he blinked, apparently in an attempt to refocus his eyes. He was a living, breathing example of someone who was stunned beyond words.

Finally, he managed to sputter "Pregnant?"

I nodded, waiting anxiously to see what happened next. Suddenly, Remus' eyes brimmed with tears and he grabbed me by the shoulders, positively crowing in ecstasy.

The letter briefly forgotten, the world's widest grin spread over my face. "Are you---I mean, is it---I didn't plan to---"

He pulled me into a crushing embrace. "A baby!" Remus' voice quivered with emotion. "A baby! We're going to have a baby! I'm going to be a father!"

I couldn't stop the burble of laughter that escaped me. "And I'm going to be a mother," I pointed out needlessly.

Remus pushed me to arms' length, studied me searchingly as if to make sure I wasn't joking. His cheeks were flushed and wet, his eyes bright. "But how? You were taking that pill,---"

"It was the food poisoning," I stammered. "Food wasn't the only thing I couldn't keep down. Apparently I didn't get enough of the hormones to prevent a pregnancy." The smile on my face wavered momentarily. "I know we'd decided to wait, and I hope you're not too upset, but---"

"Upset?" Another exuberant shout of happiness. "Kailin, we're going to have a _baby._ You and I. We're going to have a _family_!"

I couldn't help but laugh with him. Still… "But---what about Voldemort, and the war, and---"

"Oh, sod Voldemort!" Remus cried, jumping to his feet and running both hands through his hair. "I mean---we'll live. We'll manage. This is just so incredible!"

My eyes involuntarily strayed to the parchment laying on the table. Remus noticed at once, his elation replaced by instant remorse. "No wonder you looked like you'd seen a ghost when I walked in. Dear God, Kailin, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry! I can't imagine how you must have felt, just finding out that you're pregnant and then reading that!" He sank into the chair once more.

"I've had better moments," I admitted.

Remus shook his head fiercely. "Stupid of me. I'm so sorry…"

"It's over now. Anyway, we have lots else to talk about," I ventured.

"Of course." Remus said, nodding agreement. He retrieved my hands and wrapped his own around them. "When is the baby due?"

"June sometime, according to the doctor. I have to call an OB for an appointment, and he'll come up with a more exact date."

"June!" he blurted. "That seems like an eternity!"

"It'll probably be here before we know it," I said encouragingly. "And there'll be a lot to do in the meantime."

Remus' face lit up. "Do you suppose we could go out to dinner to celebrate? And we should owl Molly and Arthur, they'll be thrilled to fits."

"Of course." I stood, a happy smile on my face. "Might as well wear that black dress while I can still get into it."

Remus dashed off a brief message to the Weasleys, tied it to the leg of the little owl we'd purchased back in July and sent it winging toward the Burrow. Meanwhile, I took a quick shower, spending much of the time examining my flat stomach and wondering how long it would remain so. Then it was Remus' turn to shower and dress, and finally, half an hour later, we were ready to leave.

"Sorry," I said, coming into the living room where he stood waiting. "I couldn't find my other shoe for the longest time. It was---what?"

My husband was staring at me with a look on his face which reminded me forcibly of our earliest dates. It was an expression of pure joy and amazement, as though his every wish had been granted simply by me showing up.

"Sorry," he murmured, smiling wistfully. "It's just that you're so incredibly beautiful."

I flushed. "You won't be thinking that when I'm as big as a house."

"I'm afraid that you're going to be quite wrong about that, Mrs. Lupin," Remus said huskily, and pulled me into his arms.

**__**

Remus:

I stared into the blackness, too excited to sleep. A baby! I was going to be a father. Someday, presumably, my son or daughter would go to Hogwarts.

I couldn't help but think of James and Lily. Did they feel this way? Scared and thrilled and worried as they brought a new life into the world, in the midst of a wizarding war?

I glanced at Kailin, still amazed at this thing we've done. Even though the human race has been procreating for millennia, _I've _never procreated before, and it's an incredibly humbling notion. There, nestled within my wife's body, was a baby, a continuation of life, an extension of us. A son or a daughter, possibly bearing Kailin's dimples or my long fingers, but above all, untainted by life and cruelty and evil.

In the darkness, I gently touched the stomach of my sleeping wife and vowed to do all in my power to make the world safe for my child.

And to survive.


End file.
